


It Was Never My Intention

by Thorki_ed



Series: Tumblr Requests/Norsekink Prompts [35]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-02
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 12:20:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/527249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorki_ed/pseuds/Thorki_ed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for <a href="http://norsekink.livejournal.com/7418.html?thread=14316282#t14316282">this prompt. </a></p><p>TL;DR: A creature has been feeding off of Loki's emotions for centuries slowly turning his love into hate and making him suffer. The Avengers/Asgardians find out when Loki starts having seizures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction/Teaser

They could swear that Loki was getting more dangerous and destructive, like a snowball rolling down the hill. It gets to the point where even the combination of Thor and the Hulk can’t subdue him for long, and Fury starts to worry.

“We have to bring him down,” he stated. There were nervous glances, mostly towards Thor, unsure if he had caught the insinuation of what their Director had just said.

“I… No, Loki is still my brother,” Thor repeats, though he too steadily gets more wavering. 

“Thor, he’ll flatten the whole city at this rate,” Natasha says. 

“I cannot. I will not,” Thor insists, fingers gripping around Mjolnir in such a fidgeting way that everyone gets nervous.

“Thor, you know we don’t want to hurt you or Loki… but there are innocent civilians who are counting on us. We just have to bring him in, okay? We might have to hurt him, but he’ll heal, and then everyone will be alright,” Steve says calmly in a nurturing voice. Thor’s nod is barely detectable.

“You get one more shot,” Fury says.

\--

“Loki, end this now!”

Loki’s laugh is shrill, his eyes manic. “Or what? What will you do if I don’t, _brother?_ ”

It’s always poisonous, the way he says it, and by now Thor has come to expect it. 

“Then my team will take you down for good.”

“Just try me!” Loki snarled at the threat, no sign of remorse. He launched an attack at Thor, catching him off guard and disappeared behind the smoke to the streets below.

“Reindeer games, to my left,” Tony said over the intercom.

“Uh… No, I got him right here,” Natasha said a moment later.

Steve looked at the Loki facing him as well. “Hawkeye, what’s going on?”

“Seems you’re all right. Everyone’s got a Loki,” Clint responded, not believing his eyes.

“We have no choice, attack,” Steve ordered, launching himself at the villain in front of him. He released his shield, only to have it go through thin air, and then a terrible sound filled the air – a metallic, high screeching that caused him to cringe and cover his ears.

“What the hell,” came Tony’s voice a moment later, not helping at all.

“Loki!” came Thor’s voice next, loud enough to be mistaken for rumbling thunder.

The Avengers came running, flying, half-limping to the intersection where Thor was on knees beside his fallen brother, now convulsing uncontrollably. 

Foreign words escaped his mouth, and by Thor’s confusion, it didn’t seem like he understood anything either. Just as abruptly as it started, it stopped.

“Brother?” Thor said tentatively, reaching for Loki’s still hand upon his chest.

Like a viper, his pale claw clamped down on Thor’s wrist as he screamed horrifically, drowning out Thor’s cry of pain. Loki dropped once more, almost stone still save for the laboured breaths through his open mouth. 

They turned their attention to Thor, whose wrist had been crushed and seared from the split second grip. They’d hardly seen him bleed, yet their eyes now fell on the broken, blackened skin, bones peeking through flesh.

“Fury, we’ve got a situation here,” Steve said solemnly.

\--

“So?” Fury asks impatiently. Loki’s been out a whole day now save for his shockingly disturbing bouts of seizures and vile flairs of ancient tongue and magic. The medical staff had been ordered to flee the containment cell if there was ever a sign Loki could go off.

“We’re not getting it,” Tony admits. Fury knows it burns Tony to say he hasn’t accomplished his task, so he knows it’s serious.

“Whatever it is, it’s too strong to measure or trace, and it’s totally foreign. There’s not a single thing about this that we could possibly have research on,” Bruce adds.

“We need Strange,” Tony grumbles.

“You need Strange? You got him,” Fury says, already pulling out his phone. He was a desperate, desperate man.

\--

The three of them worked through the night, and throughout the next day. Time was running out, but so was coffee.

Dejectedly, Tony once again had to tell Fury that their tests weren’t conclusive. 

“All we know is that there’s some sort of magical creature feeding off of his mind,” Strange stated.

“Feeding off his mind?” Fury stated in a deadpan voice.

“Or it’s least wreaking havoc in there somehow,” Bruce added. “It’s doing something to hurt the guy, we just can’t determine what.”

“Magic, obviously,” Strange said.

“I hate magic,” Tony muttered.

“I hate this job,” Fury growled. They watched as the Director reached for the intercom to call their resident thunder god upstairs.

 

\--

 

“I cannot say,” Thor said for the hundredth time. He didn’t have a clue what was happening and was at just as much a loss as they were. “The language was certainly not familiar to me.”

“Okay, let’s forget that for a second, can you remember when you thought Loki started acting… you know, differently?”

“My friend, that is an odd request, you must understand that Loki was not like the rest of us,” Thor started. “Where we would cheer and celebrate with laughter he would remain still but for a tight-lipped smile. It was just who he was.”

Tony and Bruce shared uneasy looks as Strange started to dive deeper. “Was Loki always like that though? Closed off?”

Thor seemed to contemplate this. “Perhaps when we were younger?”

“How young?”

“I would say about a hundred or a hundred fifty, give or a take a few years.”

“ _A hundred and fifty?!_ ” Tony screeched.

Bruce laid a consoling hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Thor… how old are you guys now?”

“I shall be one thousand, three hundred and forty-two soon. My brother shall celebrate soon after, turning one thousand, three hundred and thirty-seven!” 

The four interrogators looked at each other very solemnly with a silent thought passing between them.

_Over 1,200 years. That’s how long Loki’s been suffering._

“Thor, we need to know everything we can about this time where you noticed Loki started to change. We think it could give us the answers.”

“I was but a child myself, I don’t remember too much,” Thor said sadly. The next second, his face brightened with a ‘eureka’ moment. “But perhaps my parents will understand this!”

Strange thought the idea was a good one. Intel from Asgard could be just what they were looking for. Fury gave the go-ahead for Thor to return home.

“Please, watch after my brother,” Thor said before leaving.

“We will,” Bruce assured.

“Godspeed,” Tony muttered under his breath and Thor took off to the skies. Bruce found that he had to hand out a lot more condoling shoulder pats than usual and prayed they could sort this out soon.


	2. Chapter 2

The next hours are torturous, and nobody sleeps. Fury has them take shifts to watch over the cage, Clint and Natasha are first. Tony and Strange don’t sleep because they need answers, and it’s gnawing at them on the inside to not have them. Their machines are bleeping and buzzing, every piece of equipment is alive with light and sounds. Bruce is the only one with permission to go inside now with Loki so out of control, and the only one who has even a remote idea of how to deal with the injured god. Steve can’t sleep because he can’t stand to be useless. He fetches everyone their coffees, he forces Natasha to sit down and ice her ankle that’s still swollen from their fight, he’s the one that Fury talks to discreetly after coming out of his meeting with the council members.

“Sir, with all due respect, I don’t see how we can override their authority.”

“Captain, these are the morons who ordered a nuke to head for New York while you guys were still trying to fight the Chitauri. Meaning as little offense as possible, they’re not the brightest bulbs I’ve come across and I’m going to elect not to listen to them.”

Steve understood where Fury was coming from. That battle was barely won, and if it weren’t for Tony selflessly steering the rocket away, they would have gone down with the entire city. 

“I trust you, and I stand by whatever decision you make, Sir.”

Fury placed a hand on the captain’s shoulder. “You don’t know what those words are going to mean in the next few days.”

\--

Gradually, the alarm goes from wailing every four hours to every three. Whatever is eating away at Loki is doing it rather quickly now that Loki’s no longer awake to fend it off. It’s no surprise that when Thor arrives back, everyone is sighing in relief. 

“It is dark seiðr,” he tells them. “Sjónhverfing, my father says.”

“Tony –” Strange begins, but he’s cut off.

“Yeah.” Tony knew what this meant. Earth wasn’t equipped for this. 

“Thor, we think it’s been going on for…. A very long time.”

“Aye, my father too asked me the same questions you did. It seems as though I have been blind all these years to his suffering under the seiðr-witch’s powers.” His downcast eyes left the team heartbroken. How could they possibly know what it was like? To watch the person you loved most slowly deteriorate and think it was your fault the whole time, only to learn that it wasn’t you – but a force you didn’t stop?

“So, this wicked witch of the west business, what exactly is she after?” Tony picked up again. Natasha stomped on his foot for taking it so lightly.

“My parents think it is due to Loki’s high level of skill when it comes to the art. Seiðr is rare, especially among the male. My brother surpassed even his greatest tutors, and his signature must be strong. I fear they are after his strength,” Thor said with panic in his voice. 

“So, this witch is leeching power from him?” Fury repeated, just to make sure he had actually heard that bit correctly.

“Aye. And it is doing so through his strongest emotion.”

“Which is?” Strange asks.

“Love.” Thor stated simply.

Tony scoffed, but quickly disguised it as a cough when Thor glared. 

“We are a loving and kind race despite your tales and myths, and my brother had a heart of pure gold, I know it,” Thor shouted earnestly. Nobody questioned him. “They have wronged him. They have torn his life apart,” he says angrily.

“So this whole time we thought Loki was evil…” Steve starts.

“It has never been him. Not truly,” Thor confirms. “She has fogged his mind, turning whatever happiness and love Loki has and turning it to misery and hatred.”

“We need to start looking at more options,” Tony says. 

Strange nods in agreement. “Loki’s running out of time.” 

When Thor’s eyes widen and start to panic, Bruce has to calm him down. “It’s only because Loki’s not awake to defend himself. We just have to find a way to wake him, and that should buy us time,” he explained.

“Please, we must wake him at once,” Thor pleads. The entire team has shifted now. They’ve captured Loki, and yet this time, nobody mentions putting an arrow through his eye. They rush out of the room to head to the holding cell.

Clint stays back and places a hand on Thor’s arm.

“You know, if this spell is as you say it is… The more he loves, the more hatred he shows.”

“That is correct,” Thor says, still confused by Clint’s intentions.

“Just think about who he’s really been after this whole time,” Clint says.

_”I’m not your brother, I never was!”_  
 _“There is only the war…. Sentiment.”_  
 _“I remember a shadow!”_

Thor’s tears are silent as he follows his friends downward.

 

\--

He is only in the room for a few minutes before Loki’s body starts to spasm. His face screws up in pain and his limbs thrash outward in violent strikes. It doesn’t die down for an entire five minutes, and it takes all of Steve, Tony, and Clint to hold Thor back. He cannot stand to see Loki, stripped of his armour and lying helplessly as his mind was being ravaged. The mask they’ve placed on him reminds Thor too much of the metal mouthguard, the restraints too much like the handcuffs. He slumps in defeat, in agony for his brother.

“What’s our course of action now, sir?” Steve asks.

Fury hesitated, eyes glued to the convulsing god. When Loki finally laid still save for the heaving of his chest, he finally looked Steve right in the eye. “I don’t know.”

Steve didn’t comment about the fear he saw in those dark eyes, but he gave a curt nod and turned to his team.

\--

“He’s running out of time –“

“If we could just keep him awake –“

“That’ll only slow it down –“

“He’ll kill us if we keep him awake –“

“Which is why we _won’t_ –“

“So what, put him down like a dog? You’re –”

“ENOUGH!” Thor bellowed, a crackling coming from outside so loudly it almost shook the floor. “He is of Asgard, and he is my brother,” Thor stated protectively. “He must be woken. Now. I will not see him defenseless like this, and in pain.”

Fury gave a small nod, and Bruce walked in the room, Thor in tow. He took the mask off of Loki’s face, weaning the gas that had kept the god under. 

The moment of silence felt like lead, heavy and looming over their heads with every passing second. 

“Brother…” Thor mumbled as if his words could will each of Loki’s breaths to become more stable. 

After what felt like a decade, Loki’s eyes fluttered open, and squinted against the dazzling lights ahead. His brow furrowed in confusion and he opened his mouth to speak when suddenly, Loki’s body began to seizure once more. His eyes rolled back as his head nodded violently against his chest.

“Thor, _no!_ ” Steve cried out too late. The thunderer had already leapt to his brother’s bedside, grabbing his arms and trying to shake Loki out of it.

It seemed to work, for a split second when Loki’s body stiffened and his eyes stared forward, except for the fact that he snarled and pushed Thor away with surprising strength, once again searing the flesh. Thor grabbed his shoulder in agony, backing away, but couldn’t keep his eyes off his brother. 

“Loki, please listen!”

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” he snapped, tugging at the restraints that kept him in bed as he looked around to study his surroundings, eyes flickering over each of the Avengers.

Steve stepped forward first, cautiously. “We have to tell you something first, but you have to listen to us really carefully.”

“I TAKE NO ORDERS FROM YOU, PATHETIC MORTAL!”

“It’s about your health, Loki,” Bruce added, still not going any closer. He stayed the furthest, sure that his presence would make Loki uneasy. “We want to help,” he added.

Loki laughed. “And why, tell me, would you do that? Or better yet, how could you possibly expect me to believe you – especially from your mouth, you _mindless beast._ ”

“Because they are my friends!” Thor cut in. “And surely, even you know now that I have only ever wanted you to be safe!”

Loki laughed twice as hard, clutching his sides and making a show of throwing his head back, face full of malicious glee. “Oh, is _that_ why you threw me into an abyss?” 

“You’re dying,” Tony said bluntly. 

Loki ceased laughing, but his grin was still there. “No, I’m not.”

“But the tests –“

“I’m a god, you dull creature,” he snapped at Strange. “Do you think a mortal would have made it as far as I have?”

The Avengers were stunned. “What?” Thor asked, not believing what he was hearing. “How? And how long have you known! Why haven’t you told anyone?” Thor roared.

“Pray, tell me, who was I to turn to? The Allfather? _You_?” Loki retaliated, and unfortunately, it made sense. He stared at Thor, and the sight broke Thor’s heart. In lieu of the soft emerald eyes that used to shine were cold, venomous eyes entirely the wrong colour – dark as muddied grass with glints of gold. “The Tesseract would have given me all that I needed to remedy the situation, but you all saw to it that my plans would never happen, so I thank you for that.”

Thor shook his head, refusing to believe it. He couldn’t bear the weight of his guilt if he had failed Loki _again_.

“How would gamma radiation prevent this seiðr-witch from eating away your brain?”

“You understand none,” Loki spat. “Seiðr is a craft, it is power - _raw_ power, it feeds on power, not an organ.” He tapped his temple. “My brain is simple, my mind is what she is after.” He took the gas mask in his hands and inspected it. “The Tesseract is also raw power, I would have channeled it within myself, built a barrier for myself and that would be that.” He threw the mask over his shoulder carelessly. “Now if you’re quite done, I wish to rest.” He settled back against his pillows and closed his eyes.

“No brother! Please, you must stay awake!”

Loki cracked open one eye lazily. “Really? First you take away my antidote and now you’ll take away my rest?” 

Clint was quick to jump to Thor’s defense. “He’s only trying to keep you awake, you ungrateful little –”

“Spare me,” Loki cut him off with a roll of his eyes. “I said rest, not fall into unconsciousness.” To make a point he closed his eyes once more, nestled his head in comfortably and a faint green shield appeared around him. “The most powerful sorcerers are aware, awake, even as they slumber. Try to harm me as I sleep and I shall see to it that your entire planet burns without even opening my eyes.” 

They remained silent as he fell asleep with a twisted smile on his face.

\--

“Now what?” Steve asks.

“Now nothing,” Tony said dryly.

“We musn’t give up!” Thor shouted. When the crew turned to him, he lowered his voice to a soft plea. “My friends, I know Loki has caused much damage here upon Earth, but it was not his doing and… I know that my brother – my true brother is not lost. I am asking you as a favour to me, to Asgard, to help me bring him back.”

“Thor, we want to help, we do, but –”

“No but’s,” Clint said, stepping forth. “He said he needed the Tesseract, right? Can’t we give him almost the same thing?” he said, eyes flickering back and forth between Tony and Bruce, implication obvious.

“I don’t know…” Bruce said uncomfortably. He didn’t want to be the one to fail Thor, to say he couldn’t save his little brother.

“Please, my friend. To try is all I ask,” Thor said, placing his giant hand upon Bruce’s shoulder.

The man sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. What an incredibly long, torturous day. Could he really try to save the god that almost flattened New York? Thor’s face was the only argument needed. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try, but please, I can’t guarantee anything, alright? And I’ll need a lot of help…”

“I’m in,” Tony shrugged. All eyes laid on Strange. 

“Seriously? I’m not even an Avenger.”

“S.H.I.E.L.D. will take you on as a temporary agent,” Fury offered.

“Do S.H.I.E.L.D. agents make a lot of money?”

Tony grabbed the man swiftly by the collar and whispered something in his ear.

“Sir, I’d like to help in any way I can,” Strange nodded. The Avengers immediately turned to Stark, who waved his had dismissively. 

Thor gave them all a grateful smile. “Thank you, my friends. Asgard is in your debt.”

 

\--

 

“I hate magic,” Tony said for the hundredth time.

“Concentrate,” Strange ordered, carefully wrenching the tiny screw that kept the latch open. They let Bruce be the one to drop the little block inside as his hands were the steadiest. Tony secured the latch with slender pliers and nodded for Strange to let go. They heard the click and stared at their final product.

“Really think this will work?” Tony asked skeptically. Compressing gamma radiation wasn’t an easy task – it should have been impossible really, to replicate the Tesseract, but with Strange’s help, they managed to make a similar energy force, and modifying the concept of Tony’s arc reactor, they were able to harness it.

“Well, there’s no real way of telling, until we put it in, right?”

 _In._ That was the next problem. How would they ever convince Loki to let them implant this?

“We could always make Thor pin him down,” Tony suggested with a goofy smile.

“Minus the fact that Loki would set him on fire or something,” Bruce reminded him.

“Fine. We’ll put a bag over his head and jam it into his neck real quick.” 

“Tony?” Strange said.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up,” both the other men said.

\--

“Will this work?” Thor asked again, flittering nervously outside the door of Loki’s cell. The others were gathered around as well, weapons ready. 

“We’ll see,” Bruce said with a tightly smile. Really, the device was small, almost like a miniature vial, and the needle would allow them to plant it at the base of Loki’s skull before latching on. It wasn’t ideal, but unless Loki was willing to punch a hole in his chest like Tony, it was the best of the worst. 

Getting Loki to agree however, was an entirely different story.

“What now?” Loki asked the moment his door had opened. He needn’t look to see who it would be, knowing the footsteps of each man as they walked in. The heavy ones that squeaked ever so slightly - _Thor_ ; the mild shuffling of comfortable sneakers - _Stark_ ; the soft pattering of a cautious one - _the Beast_ ; the scuffle and click of hard soles - _the misplaced doctor_. 

“Brother, we have a proposition.”

“Let me guess,” Loki said before coughing and mocking his brother. “ _Come home, give up this poisonous dream_ ”

“Let us take the poison away,” Thor carried on steadily. “We may have a solution, and if it were to work.. you could be… you could be free.”

“Free?” Loki barked with laughter. “But I am already free, don’t you see?”

“Not really,” Tony muttered, pointedly looking around the prison.

“Hm. The cage presents no challenge to me. I am here of my own free will,” he said finally opening his eyes to greet them. Bruce believed him, even if Tony didn’t. “So, what have you come to pester me with now?”

“There may be a cure for this ailment,” Thor said with hope surging forward as Loki brought his barrier down. “We could give you the power of the Tesseract -”

“- A portion of it,” Bruce quickly corrected.

“Yes, a portion, but the power nonetheless. It is what you needed, correct?” Thor said with such blind eager hope that Loki looked taken aback for a moment.

 

“Why have you done this?” he asked, presumably all of them, but keeping his eyes on Thor. 

“Because I would give anything to have back the brother I once knew,” Thor said, sitting on the edge of the bed, despite being warned not to get too close. He could not help himself, he was taken by the way Loki’s eyes held no trace of gold, back to their grassy green that he had known. 

The Asgardians had their own staring contest, before Loki demanded them to hand over their device.

“It’s supposed to go at –“

“–Along my neck, yes, I see that,” Loki said. He inspected it a few more times, running his finger along the slender device. “I still see no use for it,” he said, tossing it into the blanket on his lap.

“Please,” Thor begged. “Please, I beg of you to try this.”

“Hm. The Almighty Thor on his knees pleading to the ghost of a brother he once loved. How endearing,” he said sarcastically. Thor’s tears would not fall, but their pooling betrayed the stony mask he tried to put on. 

Loki sighed. “On two conditions,” he said. 

“Anything!” Thor demanded. 

“If this so happens to block my magic – even the smallest amount – you will rip the cursed thing from me and snap my neck while you’re at it.”

There was an evident discomfort in the room and outside the room as the others listened in. 

“I… I understand, brother.”

“And your second condition?” Bruce asked, worried for the answer.

“You will follow my every command,” Loki said without so much as glancing away from his brother.

There was only a two second pause before Thor said, “I consent.”

“Thor, we should really talk about this –“ Tony said just as Nick Fury barged in screaming “Oh hell no he isn’t!”

Loki gave one last smirk before picking up the device and bending his head forward to inject the needle into his skin. There was no cry of pain, just the click the device made as it sunk in, latching itself into place. 

They winced as his body was ravaged by a particularly long bout of shuddering and trembling, even as Thor held him. They thought the device had failed.

“Thor?”

There were gasps and open jaws as they turned back to the scene before them. Loki was looking up at Thor with bright eyes. Not a single one of them could have placed the voice they had just heard – soft, melodic, not a hint of harshness or sarcasm. Could it be?

“Brother!” Thor all but wept. His eyes were brighter than any of them had seen before as he hugged Loki closely – and to their surprise, Loki hugging back.

“Brother,” Loki hummed with a smile.

“No. Fucking. Way,” Tony said in disbelief. “Seriously?” 

Bruce wiped away his own tears, relieved that they had accomplished what Thor had asked, and scared for Loki – scared because escaping an internal monster wasn’t easy, even after finding a “solution”. 

“Comrades, please, meet my brother properly this time,” Thor waved them over, cheerful and bright.

“Thor, no,” Loki said, tugging at Thor’s arm and curling up. “Your friends do not like me.”

Loki, afraid? They couldn’t believe it, they just couldn’t. 

“No fears, brother. They know what you have gone through.”

“How’s about we take it a bit slower, son?” Steve said with his softest smile.

Loki looked at everyone before nodding slowly.

They all relaxed, Thor smiling so widely his cheeks ached. As the Avengers took the hint to give Thor alone time with his somewhat long-lost brother, Loki decided to shout playfully “Hey, I’m older than you are!”

For the first time, they laughed genuinely in Loki’s presence – with Loki, and with Thor, and it seemed for a moment that this was how it was supposed to be.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few weeks came by incredible easy, Fury had to admit. Loki was Asgardian in terms of citizenship, but as Thor’s brother, he would be granted American citizenship as well, courtesy of S.H.I.E.L.D. The Avengers were never trained for this, but it seemed they didn’t need to. Loki started to mesh in with the team even easier than Thor had. His quick wit earned him points from Tony, his knowledge points from Bruce. When he first snuck up on Natasha she had nearly skewered him, but gradually he taught her to move like the shadows, just as he did. Miraculously, Clint never once made a move against Loki, though that was perhaps he cooked Barton’s favourite meals. As for the Captain, he never needed a reason to distrust Loki if Thor trusted him. Hesitant, yes, but outright against? Never. Steve had a forgiving, kind heart, and sparring with Loki gave them lots of time to acquaint themselves.

Of course, Nick had every reason to be a little suspicious – it had worked _too_ well. Sure, he had faith in the members of his team, even Strange, but it seemed too perfect to be true. Maria Hill had told him that he’d been too paranoid, too pessimistic.

As he watched the TV screen now, he couldn’t help but admit that perhaps he was wrong after all. 

The Avengers fought valiantly, and worked flawlessly as a team. As much as Fury hated to admit it – Loki was an incredible asset. Through the communication link he heard the Captain’s orders, watched as they rest of them followed – even Loki – and seamlessly bring down their foes.

“Need an Asgardian up here!” Tony choked.

“Tony? Tony, come in!” Steve yelled with difficulty as he fended of a blast from their enemy. There wasn’t a response.

“Asgardian, here, now!!” Tony shouted after a while.

“Does anyone copy?” Steve asked.

“Loki, I copy,” came a voice that was too soothing to get used to. The cameras that S.H.I.E.L.D. had out there finally panned in on Tony, surrounded and entangled by the alien war servants. Not a moment later did they start falling from the sky, limbs being torn by threads of green energy, some of the others being slashed by the scythe that Loki had made himself. It was an impressive sight, and as the last one fell, so did Tony.

“Tony!” Loki cried, diving after him. It all seemed too familiar – Tony falling, falling, and an ally coming to catch him. They just never thought that ally would one day be the very man who tried to end them all.

Loki’s arms were strong as they caught Tony, his landing much more graceful than the Hulk’s. When he pried the face plate off, Tony was still breathing, though his face grimaced in pain.

“Where does it hurt?”

“Think one of those things caught my arm,” he said through gritted teeth, flexing the fingers of his right hand.

“Here, let me,” Loki offered, taking away parts of Tony’s armour. There was a crunch of metal as he removed the upper arm piece, evidence of the monster’s bone-crushing grip. He wrapped his hands around, with Tony hissing in pain and contact of cold skin before whooping with delight.

“Jesus, why didn’t you join our side earlier!”

They laughed, as did some of the rest who had heard or seen it all go down, and even as Loki danced gracefully around the warlord who had come to finish the job himself, they laughed. They laughed, and laughed, and as they grew more accustomed to the song of their unity, they gradually began to think that _yes,_ this was how it was meant to be. As Loki almost singlehandedly captured the alien, they had known that they would always be this way. 

The Avengers. All seven of them. 

Until one day, Loki fell.


	4. Chapter 4

It all made sense, when they thought about it. Thor would never forgive himself for not seeing the signs earlier. They should have checked on him.

It should have made sense, but it didn’t, and it still didn’t now, even as they lined up beside one another with downcast eyes.

\--  
 _  
It all started with planks of wood._

_“What are these for?” Thor asked._

_“Weaponry and such,” Loki smiled._

_Why would Thor have questioned that?_

\--  
 _  
He didn’t really know what he had walked in on. It wasn’t crying, it couldn’t be. The sounds weren’t very loud, and they weren’t quite sobs either. It was a shallow sound, an empty one, dry without tears. He studied the figure with its shoulders heaving and arms wrapped around itself. It stopped. And then it started again. It never grew louder, it never grew softer, just a steady stream of gulps and shaky breaths. He knew he shouldn’t be watching. He knew it wasn’t right._

_He also knew exactly what he had walked in on. He knew those were the sounds of someone in pain, he recognized them from himself when he looked through Peggy’s files and left his hand hovering over the phone without ever dialing the number._

_He also knew exactly **who** he had walked in on, for nobody else in the house had hair that so resembled the shadows. _

\--

“Loki, no!” Thor shouted, racing to his brother, but there was no stopping him. In a fury of daggers and blinding speed his brother leapt from one target to the next, slewing them monstrously. 

“Don’t you dare!” Loki snarled at the great beast who had thrown Natasha into the side of a building. He came down with fire that burned so intensely, the sky lit up with reds and golds. The monster fell instantly, its wretched scream ringing through the air. Loki stood in front of Natasha’s unconscious form, slicing through the onslaught of monsters that came to replace their fallen leader. Eight-legged hair beasts littered the city, and they were a member short. Fury had half a mind to tell them to retreat.

“Captain, call everyone back. Now,” Loki said.

Steve decided to quit while they were ahead. “Everyone, fall back.”

Tony and Thor flew back to their aircraft, Tony landing clumsily with a busted thruster, Thor gripping his shoulder tightly. Clint had sprung from rooftop to rooftop to meet them. A large crash signalled the Hulk too had met them, with a bundle in his arms – Natasha. Clint was instantly at his side, helping her into the jet. 

“Loki?” Captain called over the earpiece. “Loki, that means you too!”

“Get away from here,” he responded.

“Loki – ”

“Look!” Tony said pointing to the sky. It had turned nearly pitch black over the city, the temperature dropping rapidly. 

“Everyone, in the jet. Now.”

Loki landed beside them on the building, staggering but still upright. His hands came up and his lips parted to spill forth an ancient language as he worked his runic magic, bringing chaos and destruction.  
They watched from their shelter as the fire rained down, swallowing the city in flames, screeches filling the air. Only when the very last scream of agony died had the embers ceased, and there stood the city, unharmed, the streets covered in grey and black ash.

He collapsed without warning.

\--  
 _  
“They are common enough, anyone in the market should have them.”_

_“What do you need the fire thread and holding jar?”_

_“For brewing magic,” Loki answered simply._

_Why would Thor have questioned that?_

 

\--  
 _  
“Doctor Banner.”_

_Bruce turned around to face the man who had crept up on him. “Hey Loki. Can’t sleep?”_

_Loki shook his head and sauntered over to the work desk. Bruce let Loki watch over his shoulder as he scribbled and prodded at his work._

_“Why are you still trying this?”_

_Bruce should have known, but he was tired of trying to explain it, tired of defending his actions. “Because why not, you know? I’m tired of it all, to be honest. That’s what happens when you want to be angry, but you can’t let it get too far. That’s what happens when you have to keep fighting yourself.”_

_“I know,” Loki responded, and Bruce blinked at him. He actually smiled._

_“So? Wouldn’t you want a way out?”_

_“I was given one, remember?”_

_Bruce nodded half-heartedly. He still didn’t think it was that simple, but it didn’t matter in the end if it meant Loki was free from the monster that had controlled him._

_“I just want one too,” Bruce said._

_“Do you want it badly enough to keep such a secret?”_

_Bruce froze before looking at Loki. If Fury even knew what Bruce was trying to do he’d… he’d –_

_“I won’t tell anyone,” Loki said after one glance at Bruce’s face. “That is not for me to do.”_

_With that, he walked out of Bruce’s workshop._

\--

“Thor?” Loki asked, though he didn’t need to. He knew the figure beside his bed would be his brother. 

“Loki! By gods, you scared us.”

“I apologize,” Loki said. “Could you… Could you fetch the others?”

“I… Of course,” Thor agreed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I wish to speak to everyone, is all.”

Loki’s voice was so soft, it was impossible to resist. Thor did his duty, leaving the room to herd the others, leaving Loki to contemplate his words. Something that he was gifted at, yet he now struggled with. He opened his mouth to take a deep breath but choked instead, meteors raining down on the back of his skull as he coughed. The warm blood poured forth, as Loki winced and turned to curl on his side. He waved his hand to clean the evidence away and tried to ignore the fatigue in his arms. 

“Loki? Is everything okay?” Bruce asked, inspecting him.

Loki smiled. “Yes, yes. I just wished to say something to all of you.”

They stood, confused, and growing wary. 

“As you all know, the past months have been quite the eye-opening experience I suppose you could say. I… I felt that I had a purpose and that I fulfilled my duties to the best of my ability.”

“You did more than just that,” Thor tried to say. Loki placed a hand on his arm, and only gave Thor a smile rather than a burn. 

“I thank you, brother. And I thank you,” he said, looking at everyone in the room. “For making my last few months comfortable.”

The words hung over them like a storm cloud.

“What… are you saying?” Thor asked, not believing his ears. 

“Thor, while I shall always be the more intelligent one, I do believe you know precisely what I have said.”

“But, Loki, the power –”

“A decoy.”

“A decoy? For what!?” Clint snapped. 

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Fury repeated.

“A decoy for nothing. I merely wished to end our discussion at the time, I did not think you would actually harness such power for me.”

“Then… Then… It’s doing nothing for you?”

Loki smiled, though not wickedly, and evaded the question entirely. “There was never a solution, you see. The information I gave you was false.”

The gravity of Loki’s words seemed to come crashing down. Clint’s hand curled into a fist. He didn’t like being lied to, and that was obvious enough to Loki.

“I apologize for being untruthful, but it was for the best. If you’ll allow me, I’d like to spend my last night in peace,” he said calmly.

“LAST NIGHT?” Thor bellowed, though the thunder outside was loud enough to even drown _his_ voice out.

“Peace, brother,” Loki said tiredly. “Thank you, for the time that I have spent with you. That is all.”

They knew a dismissal when they saw one – but how? Why? What? There were so many questions, but Thor’s storm had only grown worse.

“We’ll… give you some time,” Steve offered graciously. Neither brother acknowledged him.

\--

“So?” Natasha asked. “Could he be telling the truth?”

“What reason would he have to lie to us now?”

“What reason did he have to lie with us _this whole time_?”

Tony slammed the table, making even Natasha jump back. “He’s a goddamn idiot!”

“Tony –“

“NO!” He rattled the table again. “No, Steve. We should’ve seen it. He’s been getting reckless – that stunt with the black sky bullshit? That was a sign. That was a massive, neon sign screaming ‘ _I’m risking my life because it’s going to end anyway!_ ’ We should have seen it!”

They let him catch his breath, silence ensuing his outburst. “I – I should have seen it,” he croaked, his hand over his arc reactor. 

Natasha wanted an answer, Clint wanted to strangle him. Tony wanted to make another device, one that worked, Bruce wanted to stop feeling so betrayed. Steve wanted to forget the night he ever saw Loki cry and Fury? 

Fury just wanted to be proven wrong for once.

\--

“Why, brother? Why did you do this?”

“I could not bear to see you saddened by my efforts,” Loki said sincerely. “It did work, you know. The power. Just not how I had said.”

“Then?”

“It gave me control again, of my thoughts, my emotions, my power – but still not of my life.”

“Why did you not tell me this day was coming?” Thor howled.

“There was no need,” Loki said simply. “I didn’t want to be a time bomb. If you knew the exact moment you would pass, would you tell anyone? Would you stand to see the faces of everyone you grew to care for saddened for your last days? Or would you rather see them as they were, and let them see you as you are?”

Thor knew Loki had a reason. Loki hated to be seen as weak. He knew this long before Loki first demanded that his neck be wrung should the device hinder his powers. Grudgingly, he accepted Loki’s words as truth, as reason, but it made him no less devastated. 

“Is it truly… tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Brother, did you enjoy the time that we had here?” he asked abruptly, the thought of Loki’s passing was too much to bear.

“I always have enjoyed our time, Thor. You know this.” _Even as I tried to kill you,_ Loki meant to say. 

“How could there not be a way to stop this from happening,” Thor wondered uselessly. 

“How could one stop a river from flowing?”

“Freeze it.”

Loki laughed delightedly at his brother’s wit. “And how could one stop the stars from shining?”

“Placing a roof above your head at all times.”

“And how does one stop loving another?”

A pause. “You cannot,” Thor whispered.

“Precisely.”

Loki’s fingertips were light as they cupped Thor’s cheek. He stared into Thor’s eyes, vowing to remember every detail. 

“I do not want to be alone for –”

“You will never be alone,” Thor gruffly cut him off. He eased himself onto the bed as Loki shuffled over, and the size of it forced them together, warmth and coolness colliding. 

\--  
 _“Why would I need to keep this?” Thor asked._

_“Just in case. You never know.”_

_Thor accepted the holding jar of Loki’s wicked ever-lasting fire inside._

_There was no reason to question his brother._  
  
\--  
 _“You’re a hero, Stark.”_

_Tony had been peering out the window absentmindedly, fingers tracing the lines of palladium poisoning in his veins. “Excuse me?” he responded defensively._

_“Sometimes people don’t see your motives, but I have.”_

_Tony faced the god, hands wrapping his coffee mug._

_Loki continued. “You have heart, there was a reason why I chose you, and there was a reason you didn’t allow me to.”_

_“Because I’ve got a shiny thing in my chest that’s killing me, even though it’s supposed to stop the shrapnel from killing me?”_

_“Even heroes have a deadline… Even those with deadlines are heroes,” Loki said before walking away._

_Tony muffled his tears in his pillow that night, feeling his heart beating inside his chest, strong and steady._

\--

They hadn’t slept, for time was too precious. The bitterness of it all bit at Thor. Gods, they were. Over a thousand years they had lived, and a few more thousand they were supposed to. He watched Loki’s breathing slow and begin to fail every other beat and held his brother closely. As he stroked his brother’s hair, his fingers danced upon Loki’s neck. He felt the scar where the device had been placed – the device that was no longer there.

“Thor,” he barely managed.

“Yes, brother?”

“Find me –“ Loki breathed. “- Again.” 

“Always,” Thor whispered. 

Loki stayed still save for the trembling that racked his body one more time – one last time.

The trembling that followed came from Thor’s mourning and the thunder that never stopped.

\--

So, it all made sense, when they thought about it. 

Tony re-watched the clip where Loki had ripped the damned thing out of his neck, throwing it aside in the mouth of beast and blowing the monster up with it. He watched it over and over again, even though he knew what he was looking for each time. Day Two. Day Two. Day Two. It never changed, it never went higher. Two days it took Loki to rid himself of the thing, and nobody could tell the difference. His stomach dropped each and every time, he even forced Steve to watch it with him, demanding answers for why Loki lied, why Loki knew, why Loki this and why Loki that. Loki was never under the control of that thing, but he was a damn good liar. 

It should have made sense, but it didn’t, and it still didn’t now, even as they lined up beside one another, eyes trained on the pyre in front of them, the last trace of Loki now as the never-ending fire burned, racing along the thread that wrapped around his coffin.

“I’m proud to say that we fought together for this land, and I know our country is proud of you. You were a valued part of the team, and we won’t forget all the good that you’ve done. We won’t let anyone else forget it either. Rest in peace.” 

“You… You gave me memories – new ones – and I’m grateful that they’ve started blocking out the old ones. I know we didn’t have the best start, but it never should have ended like this. I’m glad we had the last few months, to work together… For the right side this time. Rest in peace.”

“We had a lot of red in our ledgers. Out of the both of us… I’m glad you were the one to wipe yours clean. I mean it. Rest in peace.” 

“Genius, psychotic, rogue supervillain, that’s what you were. I’m pretty glad you didn’t stay that way. I… I owe you a thanks. For what you said to me that night. It’s changed me, for the better I’d think. Rest in peace, buddy.”

“First of all, I’m sorry for all the things I’ve said about you. I was wrong, and I’m really happy you showed me that. I also wanted to tell you that I… I stopped. I’d like to think maybe you’d be proud of me, but your mind is still a bag of cats, so who really knows, right? It’s been a real pleasure, Loki. Rest in peace.”

Thor was last, his message clear. “ _Brother._ ”

At his whisper, the thread had burnt out, the wood and body gone to a better place.

They kept the jar above the fireplace, never lighting the hearth for they knew that flame would never shine brighter than Loki’s.


End file.
